nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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