Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
