Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
