Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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