I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
