Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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