i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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