Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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