Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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