I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Jerry, you need to find god
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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