I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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