If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
