"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm like, not good at living.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
