Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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