I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
