I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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