Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
