I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
