Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
