he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
