I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
