I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
