i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
