This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
