On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
