So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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