too bad you live with your parents still
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
