Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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