Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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