sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
