my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
