I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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