I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
