I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Please don't give away my fajitas
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
