her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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