wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
