tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
