there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
