Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
