my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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