Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
