I think I died a long time ago.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize