i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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