We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
