I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
