your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
