My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
