Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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