If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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