All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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