i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
