fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
