she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize