I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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