dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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