I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
