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• (360): View more from Washington

  "I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.

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• (408): View more from California

  I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?

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• (585): View more from New York

  that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yesterday you said I was the best.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  make it buy you a drink first

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him

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• (915): View more from Texas

  Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach

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