Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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