I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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