But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dating After Heartbreak
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃