Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize