Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.