i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit