So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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