i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.