I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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