i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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