Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Holy shit dude........stairs
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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