there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
