if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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